I feel oddly — perhaps disturbingly — lucky and certainly thankful that I do not have any extreme tales of abuse to report. It is often insidious: You go from thinking you are falling in love to wondering why all of the "problems" in your new relationship seem to be your fault, and have no clear idea of how you got from point A to point B.Perhaps you blame it on not having been in a relationship for a while; you decide you simply forgot how to be in a relationship.Have you ever apologized for your "role" in his behavior? Not only has he behaved poorly, but he has found a way to manipulate you into believing that his behavior is, was, and will continue to be your fault.When you ask him a question about his intentions, does he stutter? It takes approximately zero seconds to communicate the truth.As I learned, abuse is not always a clear-cut issue (e.g.someone either hits me or doesn't; either someone puts me down or doesn't; someone either attempts to control me in very visible ways or doesn't).The dating game always starts out innocently enough, doesn't it? You're excited; there has been a lot of flirting, laughter and belly butterflies since you met this person a little while ago.You think this could be the start of something serious.
He wants you to be thinking about all of the possible reasons why he's not contacting you when he said he would.
You assume — you convince yourself — you have become selfish because you have unrealistic wants and needs (like the need for unwavering, enduring respect and honesty).
For these reasons it is you, and you alone, who is responsible for the relationship's problems — or so you tell yourself.
The lies we tell ourselves when we meet someone new are extraordinary.
It was Maya Angelou who said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."In my case, I experienced a type of abuse I never even knew existed.