“Ultimately each one of our own individual choices is profoundly informed by the community we grow up in, perhaps by the relationships we had with our siblings or parents," Silverberg said."I mean, to try and unpack that would probably take years for each person and so…I don’t know…I give wide latitude to other people when they talk about the kind of people they’re into.” As we all should. I think we should just stop pretending that race is a preference.*** As I've dated more than my fair share of European men—Josephine Baker ain't got nothing on me but a banana skirt—I found myself identifying with this lady writer who discusses feeling unattractive as a black woman in America until hanging out in Europe.While I'm certainly a sucker for an accent, I'm mostly attracted to European men because they don't have the same racial hang-ups as Americans (they have their own racist/ethnicist problems, but mostly with each other). It's something I'm reminded of everyday; it's in the way people view me, how they interact with me, how I see the world.The majority of guys that hit on me are white—but white boys with a penchant for chocolate are equally amazing and problematic.In my experience, I either feel fetishized for my penis or carelessly boxed into a catalog of expectations.And these realizations have also made me more critical of whitness and my attraction to it.I like white boys who have a sense of their whiteness as it relates to the world, and who realize that my blackness means that I relate to the world differently.
It's 2016, but discrimination—much like Christina Aguilera over a simple musical scale—is running rampant, particularly when it comes to online dating and hookup apps.It was impolite to talk about what it meant to be not white, or not straight, or not a man in this country because in a post-9/11 world, as a nation at war, we were all in this together.And then suddenly we’re in post-racial America: we have a black president, we’re all quoting Lil Wayne and Maya Angelou and everything's fine and dandy.But this only served to postpone the conversation about race we still weren't having and you can only postpone an inevitable conversation for so long. Talking about race may be unpleasant but it's incredibly important—freedom requiring constant vigilance and all that—and so the LGBT community has a lot of talking to do.Of course, there are greater issues relating to race facing the community than discrimination masquerading as a preference, such as HIV rates, access to health care, discrepancy in income, homelessness and the myriad other difficulties in being a minority within a minority in a country that tries its best to ignore both.